Undoubtedly, chubby people would live a lot better if skinny people didn't exist.
If someone of the family is skinny, whether she or he is a man or a woman, would mean to hear her or him repeating saying over and over again:
"Don’t you see you will burst in your clothes? "
"Don’t you realize that you are eat as a pig? "
"Why don’t you care about your figure anymore? "
"How better you would feel with ten kilos less? "
"When will you start being on a serious diet? "
Skinny people always talk with acrimony: skinny women are jealous of the other women's curves, or compare with caustic eye their husband’s pot belly to the surf table that Tom cruise shows off around the navel. Skinny men suggest to their partner to go on diet after having seen the conclusive evening of the Miss Italia contest or Cuccarini’s ballet.
However, fat partners in this case should not say:
"Why don’t you marry Cruise or Cuccarini! ", but instead they should put up with it and humbly say:
"It is all right: from Monday (because diets should be started always on Mondays) I will be on diet."
Then probably you will not start a diet, as perfect dietphobics, but at least always have ready excuses to give to other people's reproaches.
You can focus on psychoanalysis, subject always of great effect. An American dietpsychologist, used to repeat that greediness is not anything else than an emotional shelter, the sign that something is devouring us from the very inside. Therefore:
"I eat so much because I am nervous."
"I eat because I feel the pressure of the examinations (job, career, etc.) "
"I eat a lot of sugar because I am lacking of affection", sentence to say casting a glance of accusation to whom should give us affection in the place of calories.
"I eat because I am happy: good mood makes me hungry."
"I eat because I am angry: bad mood stimulates my appetite."
If psychoanalysis does not work, try the pathetic-aggressive excuses:
"It is winter, it is cold: how can I not eat something warm as pasta? "
"It is summer, it is warm: if I don't eat any pasta I will have a decrease of sugars and I will faint."
"Because of my job I am always guest out for lunch and dinner: do you want me to give a bad impression with bad manners and fasting? "
"How can you expect me to be on diet if I have to cook delicacies every day for you? "
"I am not fat: it is because of the small clothes you keep buying for me."
"Fat has been in my family for generations: do you really want me to be the first one to stop the tradition? "
It is also advisable to use acculturate excuses:
"We eat and we drink, tomorrow death will come in any case." (St. Paul)
"More one fattens up, more one becomes wise. Belly and wisdom grow always together." (C. Dickens)
"It is hard arguing with the stomach, which doesn't have ears." (Catone the Censor)
"The stomach is the ground on which the thought springs up." (Rivarol)
"Afflictions are borne better with a full stomach." (M. Alemàn)
Or, finally, place everybody out exclaiming loudly actor Jack Klugman's triumphant words:
"I like to be fat, I like my fat! It keeps me warm, it keeps me company, and it holds my pants on!"
Read
Chapter ONE
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Mitì Vigliero Lami - All rights reserved
The editing thanks the author for kindly have granted the sage
‘The Dietphobics'. |
